Tuesday, September 7, 2010

da da de do? hahaha

peytons pretty,
the grass is green,
and frowns are upside down,
tell me something i dont kno...
i have pretty eyes,
nice figure,
great personality,
tell me something i dont kno...
"love is hard to keep",
"sex is all life is about",
"lifes to short",
tell me something i dont kno...
i complain,
i overthink,
im irresponsible,
tell me something i dont kno...
i do kno...
timmy is amazing,
i love him,
he deserves to always be happy,
i do kno...
i love my friends,
they are always there,
they make me laugh,
i do kno...
im pretty,
im weird,
im crazy,
i do kno...
im happy,
im having fun,
im inlove,
da da de do?

Sunday, August 29, 2010


u kno that feeling u get?
like when u feel completely happy,
like ur life is just absolutely amazing....
then that one little thought fucks it up?
yea...i hate that.
then, what about that one day
thats just awesome!!!
and when u go back home...
its just competely dies.
i hate that to...
why does it seem that pple arent allowed to be happy?
we ask our selfs that day in and day out.
we take the blame for others, because we think it will help.
we make our selfs not happy.
we keep the thoughts and bothers closer than what makes us happy.
and it seems like everytime things go good, it always seems to come crashing down.
pple put them selfs down more than what goes on around.
it will never be solved...
life is like a never ending puzzle...
u keep getting all the pieces but as soon as u find where a piece goes
the puzzles grows bigger. haha..

Tuesday, August 24, 2010


i had a dream.
idk why but me, timmy,and she were all hanging out.
blah...and everything was going pretty good.
but after a while she left and said goodbye to me and timmy.
and of course heather was some wat annoyed by she...
and when went to say i love u heather...the words that came out of his mouth
hurt me to the core.
he said i love u she!!
to fucking heather!!
ugh....its happened once before and im is so fucking scared
it will happen again..
i hate that i had it...ugh.
i dont EVER want to have that again..or something similar!!!!


i feel like im missing something that is happening right in front of me.
im scared,im worryed....and i just dont want to loose u..
i feel like were hiding stuff from each other.
i think its just cause im not near u as much...
my mom is a pain in the ass...
and im always so tired even more now.
stupid fucking nightmares and dog.
i hate almost crying every night!
i wish...

Sunday, August 22, 2010

blah..shit fuck...

so i have my stupid girlfriendness
and for some reason...jealously?
ugh....stupid girls.
why do u have to be sooo amazing!!! :)
lol blah...i swear im not complaining that ur amazing!!!
grrr...i dont wanna share u though!!! lol
i even told myself, i wouldnt be like this....damn it.
i dont even kno why i feel like this towards her...blah
i dont think its gonna go away either...blah.
writing about it..isnt helping either......
shit...i dont even kno her and i already cant stand her...blah.....
ugh....im sry!!! :(

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

hehehe....selfish...blah. :P

this may sound selfish...but
i really only want u for myself most of the time lol
i love u....
i cant help but always wannabe with u
and kiss u...which i only got to TWICE today!!! :(
didnt like that result...
and i just love being with u!!!
grrr....im such a hog. lol
i need to see u...
hahaha...when dont i?


stupid shity situations!!!
they suck ass!!
i was fucking scared outta my mind and crying..
ugh....i understand ur going through alot but mom its not my fault..
school is ok to have back
somethin to do...
i get to see timmy everyday :D
and my friends...
my classes are ok...
i got friends in almost all my classes...

Thursday, August 12, 2010


why does this feeling keep coming back? :(
i dont like it...
idk wat else to say..
i feel lost without u beside me....
i need u so much....
i love u so much....

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

i love u....

:) ;) :P

MY BIGGEST FLAW......is the worst ever!!!!!!!

ok so my biggest flaw is....
over thinking the smallest thing that bothers me!!!
and in the end its nothing and stupid to let bother me!!!!
its retareded.....
sometimes i wish i didnt have that lovely flaw.../:
man...everytime we do "stuff"
i feel like u think thats all i want
and its not!!!
but see i put one little thought in my head
and just let it keep nagging at me
and i try to forget but no i cant
soo yea...then i start overthinking it
and then eventually....im not ok.
then when i talk about it....it was stupid to let bother me.

Thursday, August 5, 2010


when i saw u i was afraid to meet u,
when i met u i was afraid to kiss u,
when i kissed u i was afraid to love u,
now that i love u, im afraid to loose u.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

why the hell am i writing about u?!

u randomly send me a message on facebook sayin
so u and timmy huh?
and im like yea...ha (knowing u already knew we were together)
so i decide lets talk so we went on IM and u start
asking me questions.....and i ask u a question..u said no.
idk..just kinda felt like i was missing something
ugh...i try to be ur friend
i told u something really personal
and so did u....
i told u how is kinda jealous of u
and i asked u a question
and u got kinda snappy with me
and i told u i didnt mean anything by it
then we were ok and all
but u still erck me sometimes
my friend says ur territorial....-_-
i kno ur very protective of him
but ur not the only one!!!! :/
and then i told u how he might not hang out with JUST u
cause of my friends and my stupidness
and u freaked out!!
i apologized like 10 times!
and i told u i didnt mean for that to happen
and that i was trying to fix it....
now ur not even texting me...wtf?
eh....watever!! :P
god.im so fucking pathetic sometimes. lol

Airplanes by.B.O.B ft. haley williams

can we pretent that airplanes
in the midnight sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)

i could use a dream or a genie or a wish
to go back to a place much simpler than this
cause after all the partyin' and smashin' and crashin'
and all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
and all the pandemonium and all the madness
there comes a time where you fade to the blackness
and when you're staring at the phone in your lap
and you hoping but them people never call you back
but that's just how the story unfolds
you get another hand soon after you fold
and when your plans unravel
and they sayin' what would you wish for
if you had one chance
so airplane airplane sorry i'm late
i'm on my way so don't close that gate
if i don't make that then i'll switch my flight
and i'll be right back at it by the end of the night

can we pretend that airplanes
in the midnight sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)

somebody take me back to the days
before this is was a job,before i got paid
before it ever mattered what i had in my bank
yeah back when i was tryin' to get a tip at a subway
and bacl when i was rappin' for the hell of it
but now a days we were rappin' to stay relevant
i'm guessin that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes
then maybe yo maybe i'll go back to the days
before the politics that we call the rap game
and back when ain't nobody listened to my mix tape
and back before i tried to cover up my slang
but this is for the decatur,what's up bobby ray
so can i get a wish to end the politics
and get back to the music that started this shit
so here i stand and then again i say
i'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes?

can we pretend that airplanes
in the midnight sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)

i could really use a wish right now
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now)
like shooting stars
i can really use a wish right now (a wish right now,a wish,a wish,a wish
right now)


fuck pple!!!!!!
fuck everything!!!!!!!!
sometimes i just wish i couldnt talk!!!!!
i keep fucking everything up!!!!!!
with michael...my fault
michael again....my fault
zack incident....my fault
alie incident....my fucking fault again!!!!
i can never say the right thing!!!!
fuck talking!!!!!
im sooooo sry!!!!
bad things keep happening......
:( :'( :( :'( :( :'( :( :'( :( :'( :(

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

wtf is wrong with me?!

how did i fall back again!!??
almost cutting myself again?!
these feelings shouldnt even be here
these thoughts shouldnt be here
i dont want to go back to that....
burning myself seems to be my new thing....
i dont like it.
i dont want any of this....
i dont want to go down once again
but really i dont want to bring u down with me
what irrates me the most...
is that i fucking promised u i wouldnt
but i did...how can i fucking do that to u...


i love you.....
i miss you.....
i need you......
i want you.....
im always urs
forever and always
im not going anywhere
i promise...always
im still scared to loose you
but i swear im not going anywhere
no matter how something may bother me
ill talk to you and get over it.....
i dont want anything to interfear
block anything.....or scare us.
idk.....i just dont want to loose u
moreless anything between us.

.....why does it bother me so much!!!

i want no secrets between us,
i want to be able to talk about anything,
i want to kno that when ur hurting im the person u go to,
why cant i be ur best friend and girlfriend???!!!
i hate talking about this,
i feel like im to pessuring,
i dont want to make u,
im gonna try not to bring it up again,
i love you
i dont want this to make problems,
i dont want this to bother me,
i want to not worry,
i want it to be nothing....

Friday, July 30, 2010


ugh...i have a kool and awesome guy friend
but i feel like im not allowed to have him as a friend
i think im use to my bfs getting mad or like im flirting
when im not...its just my personality
im sorry.....

Thursday, July 29, 2010

UR MY TIMMY!!!!!! :P

:) I MISS YOU!!!!
ur absolutely amazing,
extremely irresistable,
ur super awesome,
cute and hott,
ur so caring and very difficult,
u think alot and seem to still believe ur problems are stupid when THERE NOT!!!
i love ur rebellion to water,its funny
i love ur eye's, especially in the sun
i love that ur the ONLY guy who can...touch my neck and make me completely stop thinking,
i love that one smile u have when ur thinking and i smile at u and u smile back,
i love when u look straight in my eye's and tell me love me,
i love that one certain way u hug me..when ur kinda worryed about me,
i love when you goof off with me and u think u have me by tickling me but i get u back,
i worry about u alot and scare myself sometimes......
i dont like when were apart,
i dont like when i cant kiss u,
i dont like wednesdays,
i dont like ur job,
i dont like that u feel like ur hurting me when u dont bite my neck,
i absolutely HATE when ur not ok or when ur sad,hurt,mad,
U make ME HAPPY!!!

need sleep...to much thinking/worrying

today i asked if u would ever hide anything from me
why would i even need to ask that??!!
i keep feeling like there is something i dont kno...
idk why?!
i mean i completely trust you
so why does this feeling keep haunting me
i guess i want to be the person you go to or text
when something is wrong....and i want to kno all your sides
but then i feel like im expecting to much...because i kno its hard.
eh...ive been thinking to much and worrying to much
i need to just SLEEP!!!!!

Monday, July 26, 2010

ME GETTING OVER MY PAST :) fuckin finallly......

fuck michael gordon,
fuck taylor hawkins,
fuck christan regier,
fuck cameron smith,
semi fuck justin...for one certain reason
fuck everything that happened with you assholes
i really did love taylor at one point...but now he can just go fuck himself
christan...im sry i left you..but you fell in love wayy to fast and really u only wanted on thing
cameron....u were pretty kool...but u can fuckin die for all i care
justin...sry i left you the first time..im glad were still friends but why the FUCK would you date me again because you felt bad for me...that was just fucked up and that u didnt even tell me!!
michael....FUCK YOU. ive really always hated you..i think i went with you because i wanted someone different,but really u werent any better. and u were my fake love...:/ sry for leaving u and our relationship was OVER THE PHONE MOSTLY.....so it was weird being i person
ok sooo taylor,michael we the only guys to finger me..and with michael, i told u i didnt want to be that person any more but just kept telling me i wouldnt and that im not those girls...so i believed you, and taylor...because i loved you....and i trusted you but FUCK U BOTH.....
cameron...u were my bad/spontanious experience...kinda fun but very wrong. im soooo sry haley that we kissd. but really i dont care anymore. ur just being a complete bitch about it and you dont even like me...so forget you.
christian.....wow....all we did was kiss. soo psh..on that.
but no matter wat im sry to myself. for letting them mke me think it was ok and for letting you guys turn me. and im sry for how i was. just leaving one and going to the other and for leaving at the worse times.....im sryfo hurting you guys
i do not regret all that. it happened and was my curious time of being a teenager....
im not wat so ever saying im proud of any of it!!!
im not a slut,whore,skank...watever the hell else pple think of
i let my boundaries down with two of my BOYFRIENDS,one was in fuckin 9th grade!!!
and one in summer time!!!! so fuck rumors and shit.
im not letting all this bring me down anymore.
im over my past. its closed to being a part of my future.
im so much better than wat most pple kno me as or hear.
only two pple really kno me.
this shit will not make wat happened last time, happen again.
and i swear...if i hear anyone say shit about my boyfriend again i will punch you.
im not fucking kidding....ha

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

FUCK...mood swtiches/and topic does

damn it...
i freak over the stupidest things!!
or things that i shouldnt care or worry bout!!
2day was horrible
i realzied i had a friend who hates me?!
so fuck tryin to be her friend, but it was my fault!!
i always hurt someone or loose someone
over my stupidness
why do i do this to myself??!!
i always put myself down,
or think about something way to much,
or take something the wrong way
fuck....i was doing so good
the best thing in the world loves me and im acting like this??!!!
oh stupid can i get??!!
but i feel like why would anyone wanna love,care about,or wanna be with
someone like me?!
who puts her self down,and feels like she cant make the person
who she loves and means the most to her
happy and be glad that im his?!
not matter how hard i try....
i shouldnt be acting like this
fuck...i hate that all this shit runs in my family. :(
i kno im better than this, but i cant seem find her
i want him beside me and holding me every second of the day
because he makes me
happy,feel safe,and like im so much more than wat i see in the mirror
makes me feel loved,cared,and needed for once in my life
i need closure to the old me,and my old habits.
im not that person,i want you to not have to deal
with my random break downs....
i love you with all my heart
you completely deserve to be 100% happy
i dont give a fuck of wat anyone says or if u think u do dont
you do,your amazing,ur problems are NOT stupid, and
im always here...even when you dont need me
i not going any where and im never going to get bored,or watever
the hell else you think, with you
i miss you....
(some how i start with hating and hurting to completely caring and loving)
im sooo weird and a psycho xP

Saturday, July 17, 2010

my favorite day with timmy

it started out pouring rain and me running to your car,
then on our way to gas station,
where we kissed in tha car...with little kids staring at us lol,
that kiss made me tingle...
then on our way to longcane access,
learned there was a redlight at certain spot,
where you tryed tickeling me while driving AND while i tryed to drink my monster,
then it took u about 5-10mins to find a spot,
and ended up at "our" spot,
herd some weird noises....sooo we got out of car and grabbed your blanket,
after you tryed a firework......,
then headed down to "our" uncomforable table,
layed out blanket,
started out with you sitting on table with me on bench...then my knees started hurting lol,
so you kinda pulled me up to sit next to you,
we kissed...then you just had to start tickling me!! :)
then some how we ended up laying down on the table,
took a while to get comfy,
we talked...laughed...kissed...tickled,
then i wished it would start raining,
u said...i think you wish is about to come true,
it started raining...,
you were over me holding me,
we were looking into each others eyes,
while the rain was soaking us and it hitting my face,
we started kissing,but then u switched us so that i was over you,
that way the rain wasnt hitting me in the face, but it was on you,
you could barley keep your eyes open....,
and i put my hands around your eyes so could see your eyes
we kissed...and kissed.....and i took my hands across your neck
and accidentally hit your ears...............
your reaction kinda scared me....
but we kept on
with kissing,teasing,"cheating",just spending an amazing time together
then somehow we were in a different position and we were completely soaked
and you took off your shirt...heh
then at some point you took mine off..
it kinda seemed to be romantic...
i love when your hand touches my skin
it makes me tingle sometimes....
i love when we kiss...
it makes me forget everything...
i love when you hold me..
grrr....ok back to our day,
we kept switching around...
everytime we kissed i almost died..lol
....eventually it stopped raining
(fuck...:( i cant remember...i think i just need sleep)


i love how it feels when it hits my skin
its just so peacful sounding
i love watching it fall and hit the ground with a splash
the ripples in the water look so kool
sometimes i wish i was a rain drop
get to see an awesome view of the world
and have a fun way to fall
enjoy the splash i would make
maybe i would be lucky enough
to be one that help make a rainbow....
if only life was more like rain....
i absolutely love the rain
and now i have an even better reason to love
the rain....because of you!!! :)


why cant i just let the fuckin past go!!!??
ugh...i kno they were mistakes and that i made mistakes
but damn....they just keep haunting
or maybe im letting them??
i kno i shouldnt have regrets
but i do...and sometimes
i do get over them and not care cause
yea so i fucked up..everybody does
but then other times its like
they bring me down soo much
like i was so stupid and slutty
for letting it all happen....idk
im just glad im not the same as i was.....
some say i wouldnt be the same person as i am now if i didnt mess up
but who knos???

Thursday, July 8, 2010


a week is to fuckin long!!!!
ugh...i miss you so much
and i still have 7days left
i dont think i can go without seeing you
your fuckin AMAZING!!!! (u better believe it!!)
and damn it...
when i have something to say to you
im scared and dont have guts
i cant believe i cryed.....
but its just cause ill miss you so much
and i didnt want to let go
cant wait to see you again
your the world to me...
i...have something to tell
when i get back....

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

timmy bledsoe

he is amazing.
he gives amazing hugs
has a smile to die for
his eyes are beauiful
i love how he makes me happy
i love how i instantly smile when
he texts me,hugs me,when i see him
he's sexy,cute,funny
has an adorable laugh
he is a huge teaser ;
his hair is cute a shiny
super caring,loveable,different
i love spending time with you and being with you
you mean the world to me and im not going anywhere
sooo understanding..ahh!!!
im sooo not good at detailing and explaining
you as your own unique person...
grrr!!!!! i fuckin miss u!!!!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

YOUR AMAZING!!!!!!!!! ;)

i love the way you hug me
hold me close
i love the way you make me feel special
say the sweetest things
i love the way you make me smile
omg...i absolutely love your smile
it kills me....lol
your always the first thing that comes to my mind
your so amazing
i love talking to you
i love being around you
you make me happy

Thursday, June 24, 2010


so much spinning in my mind
seems like i keep pushing the rewind button
no matter how bad i want to press fast forward
i cant figure out if im growning stronger or weaker
if im gaining or loosing
i just keep getting dizzy and everything becomes fuzzy
i want to be "crystal" clear
when the answers are right in front of me
i want to see them
when things get tough
i want to be stronger
when im beng lied to
i want to see the truth
ill be there one day....i hope