blah...

ugh...i have a kool and awesome guy friend
but i feel like im not allowed to have him as a friend
i think im use to my bfs getting mad or like im flirting
when im not...its just my personality
im sorry.....
:(

UR MY TIMMY!!!!!! :P

:) I MISS YOU!!!!
ur absolutely amazing,
extremely irresistable,
ur super awesome,
cute and hott,
ur so caring and very difficult,
u think alot and seem to still believe ur problems are stupid when THERE NOT!!!
i love ur rebellion to water,its funny
i love ur eye's, especially in the sun
i love that ur the ONLY guy who can...touch my neck and make me completely stop thinking,
i love that one smile u have when ur thinking and i smile at u and u smile back,
i love when u look straight in my eye's and tell me love me,
i love that one certain way u hug me..when ur kinda worryed about me,
i love when you goof off with me and u think u have me by tickling me but i get u back,
i worry about u alot and scare myself sometimes......
i dont like when were apart,
i dont like when i cant kiss u,
i dont like wednesdays,
i dont like ur job,
i dont like that u feel like ur hurting me when u dont bite my neck,
i absolutely HATE when ur not ok or when ur sad,hurt,mad,
U make ME HAPPY!!!
I LOVE YOU!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
^_^

need sleep...to much thinking/worrying

today i asked if u would ever hide anything from me
why would i even need to ask that??!!
i keep feeling like there is something i dont kno...
idk why?!
i mean i completely trust you
so why does this feeling keep haunting me
i guess i want to be the person you go to or text
when something is wrong....and i want to kno all your sides
good,bad..etc.
but then i feel like im expecting to much...because i kno its hard.
eh...ive been thinking to much and worrying to much
i need to just SLEEP!!!!!

ME GETTING OVER MY PAST :) fuckin finallly......

FUCK MY PAST!!!!!!
fuck michael gordon,
fuck taylor hawkins,
fuck christan regier,
fuck cameron smith,
semi fuck justin...for one certain reason
fuck everything that happened with you assholes
i really did love taylor at one point...but now he can just go fuck himself
christan...im sry i left you..but you fell in love wayy to fast and really u only wanted on thing
cameron....u were pretty kool...but u can fuckin die for all i care
justin...sry i left you the first time..im glad were still friends but why the FUCK would you date me again because you felt bad for me...that was just fucked up and that u didnt even tell me!!
michael....FUCK YOU. ive really always hated you..i think i went with you because i wanted someone different,but really u werent any better. and u were my fake love...:/ sry for leaving u and our relationship was OVER THE PHONE MOSTLY.....so it was weird being i person
i ABSOLUETLY HATE EVERYTHING I DID WTH YOU FUCKERS......SO STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE....I TRY TO BE FRIENDS...BUT IT JUST DOESNT WORK...(except justin)
ok sooo taylor,michael we the only guys to finger me..and with michael, i told u i didnt want to be that person any more but just kept telling me i wouldnt and that im not those girls...so i believed you, and taylor...because i loved you....and i trusted you but FUCK U BOTH.....
cameron...u were my bad/spontanious experience...kinda fun but very wrong. im soooo sry haley that we kissd. but really i dont care anymore. ur just being a complete bitch about it and you dont even like me...so forget you.
christian.....wow....all we did was kiss. soo psh..on that.
but no matter wat im sry to myself. for letting them mke me think it was ok and for letting you guys turn me. and im sry for how i was. just leaving one and going to the other and for leaving at the worse times.....im sryfo hurting you guys
i do not regret all that. it happened and was my curious time of being a teenager....
im not wat so ever saying im proud of any of it!!!
im not a slut,whore,skank...watever the hell else pple think of
i let my boundaries down with two of my BOYFRIENDS,one was in fuckin 9th grade!!!
and one in summer time!!!! so fuck rumors and shit.
im not letting all this bring me down anymore.
im over my past. its closed to being a part of my future.
im so much better than wat most pple kno me as or hear.
only two pple really kno me.
this shit will not make wat happened last time, happen again.
and i swear...if i hear anyone say shit about my boyfriend again i will punch you.
im not fucking kidding....ha
I LOVE TIMMY AND I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYONES OPINION!!!!!!

FUCK...mood swtiches/and topic does

damn it...
i freak over the stupidest things!!
or things that i shouldnt care or worry bout!!
2day was horrible
i realzied i had a friend who hates me?!
so fuck tryin to be her friend, but it was my fault!!
i always hurt someone or loose someone
over my stupidness
why do i do this to myself??!!
i always put myself down,
or think about something way to much,
or take something the wrong way
fuck....i was doing so good
the best thing in the world loves me and im acting like this??!!!
oh stupid can i get??!!
but i feel like why would anyone wanna love,care about,or wanna be with
someone like me?!
who puts her self down,and feels like she cant make the person
who she loves and means the most to her
happy and be glad that im his?!
not matter how hard i try....
i shouldnt be acting like this
fuck...i hate that all this shit runs in my family. :(
i kno im better than this, but i cant seem find her
i want him beside me and holding me every second of the day
because he makes me
happy,feel safe,and like im so much more than wat i see in the mirror
makes me feel loved,cared,and needed for once in my life
i need closure to the old me,and my old habits.
im not that person,i want you to not have to deal
with my random break downs....
i love you with all my heart
you completely deserve to be 100% happy
i dont give a fuck of wat anyone says or if u think u do dont
you do,your amazing,ur problems are NOT stupid, and
im always here...even when you dont need me
i not going any where and im never going to get bored,or watever
the hell else you think, with you
i miss you....
(some how i start with hating and hurting to completely caring and loving)
im sooo weird and a psycho xP

my favorite day with timmy

it started out pouring rain and me running to your car,
then on our way to gas station,
where we kissed in tha car...with little kids staring at us lol,
that kiss made me tingle...
then on our way to longcane access,
learned there was a redlight at certain spot,
where you tryed tickeling me while driving AND while i tryed to drink my monster,
ALMOST WRECKED!!!! :P
then it took u about 5-10mins to find a spot,
and ended up at "our" spot,
herd some weird noises....sooo we got out of car and grabbed your blanket,
after you tryed a firework......,
then headed down to "our" uncomforable table,
layed out blanket,
started out with you sitting on table with me on bench...then my knees started hurting lol,
so you kinda pulled me up to sit next to you,
we kissed...then you just had to start tickling me!! :)
then some how we ended up laying down on the table,
took a while to get comfy,
we talked...laughed...kissed...tickled,
then i wished it would start raining,
u said...i think you wish is about to come true,
it started raining...,
you were over me holding me,
we were looking into each others eyes,
while the rain was soaking us and it hitting my face,
we started kissing,but then u switched us so that i was over you,
that way the rain wasnt hitting me in the face, but it was on you,
you could barley keep your eyes open....,
and i put my hands around your eyes so could see your eyes
we kissed...and kissed.....and i took my hands across your neck
and accidentally hit your ears...............
your reaction kinda scared me....
but we kept on
with kissing,teasing,"cheating",just spending an amazing time together
then somehow we were in a different position and we were completely soaked
and you took off your shirt...heh
then at some point you took mine off..
it kinda seemed to be romantic...
i love when your hand touches my skin
it makes me tingle sometimes....
i love when we kiss...
it makes me forget everything...
i love when you hold me..
grrr....ok back to our day,
we kept switching around...
everytime we kissed i almost died..lol
....eventually it stopped raining
(fuck...:( i cant remember...i think i just need sleep)

RAIN....

i love how it feels when it hits my skin
its just so peacful sounding
i love watching it fall and hit the ground with a splash
the ripples in the water look so kool
sometimes i wish i was a rain drop
get to see an awesome view of the world
and have a fun way to fall
enjoy the splash i would make
maybe i would be lucky enough
to be one that help make a rainbow....
if only life was more like rain....
i absolutely love the rain
and now i have an even better reason to love
the rain....because of you!!! :)

I HATE MY FUCKING PAST!!!!!!!!!!!!

why cant i just let the fuckin past go!!!??
ugh...i kno they were mistakes and that i made mistakes
but damn....they just keep haunting
or maybe im letting them??
i kno i shouldnt have regrets
but i do...and sometimes
i do get over them and not care cause
yea so i fucked up..everybody does
but then other times its like
they bring me down soo much
like i was so stupid and slutty
for letting it all happen....idk
im just glad im not the same as i was.....
some say i wouldnt be the same person as i am now if i didnt mess up
but who knos???

grrr.....

a week is to fuckin long!!!!
ugh...i miss you so much
and i still have 7days left
i dont think i can go without seeing you
your fuckin AMAZING!!!! (u better believe it!!)
and damn it...
when i have something to say to you
im scared and dont have guts
i cant believe i cryed.....
but its just cause ill miss you so much
and i didnt want to let go
cant wait to see you again
your the world to me...
i...have something to tell
when i get back....
:)

timmy bledsoe

he is amazing.
he gives amazing hugs
has a smile to die for
his eyes are beauiful
i love how he makes me happy
i love how i instantly smile when
he texts me,hugs me,when i see him
he's sexy,cute,funny
has an adorable laugh
he is a huge teaser ;
his hair is cute a shiny
super caring,loveable,different
difficult,fun,childish..hehe
i love spending time with you and being with you
you mean the world to me and im not going anywhere
sooo understanding..ahh!!!
im sooo not good at detailing and explaining
you as your own unique person...
grrr!!!!! i fuckin miss u!!!!