old post...

so much spinning in my mind
seems like i keep pushing the rewind button
no matter how bad i want to press fast forward
i cant figure out if im growning stronger or weaker
if im gaining or loosing
i just keep getting dizzy and everything becomes fuzzy
i want to be "crystal" clear
when the answers are right in front of me
i want to see them
when things get tough
i want to be stronger
when im beng lied to
i want to see the truth
ill be there one day....i hope

my body craves u..

my body craves it....
not just sex its self...
but sex with u..
it drives my body..
with passion,
i want your body against mine..
with nothing on..
feeling the warmth of your hands..
going all over my body...
you know your way around my body...
and it drives me crazy...
your kiss sends chills down my spine,
your touch makes me melt,
your bite makes me want more,
and your lick makes me tingle,
i crave to have sex with u...
its like my body needs it...
no one could ever measure up to the way...
u make my body feel...
i never imagined such a powerful bond or connection...
its like we were made to have sex together...
its torture to be away...
my body craves to be against yours...
to feel you inside me...
just writing this and thinking is torture...
i'm scared this desire will never go away....
i don't want it to but it has to...
my body craves u....

where is he?

where is he? this...this guy im in love with?
people always say, "i cant believe your still single"
...i dont see how they cant believe it?
don't they realize i have pain?
and realize i'm in love with a guy that doesn't exist?
why do i have to be with someone?
i don't want anyone...
along tome ago i swore id never date again...
and honestly i think it went to my head...
everyone says "ull find a better guy"
HA...i doubt that.
they cant even see the one im in love with...
well because he doesnt exsist...
i know he is there...somewhere
i feel his touch,
his presence.
and his whispers in my ear,
my heart knows him well...
yet i cant find him?
where is he? this...this guy i'm in love with?
everything about me longs for him..
yet i cant find him?
he must be in my dreams...
i'm taking it to far to reality...
maybe they're right...
he doesn't exist...
and i'm just dreaming...
wake up!
before they realize ur insane...

*to no one!! just a creation of mine*

not finished!!!!

well DAMN!!!!!!!!!!! lol
i love ur sexy ass body.
but hell i get told no just for kissin u?!
wat do u want!!?
ur like semi scewin with my head lol
watever....
i just wanna have fun and crap.
yea i want u back now but i wouldnt take u back now,
even if u begged.
yea i love u and i guess thats why i would say no
(not finished)

i get it... :)

I UNDERSTAND WHY U DID THIS,
I ACCEPT IT NOW, AND
I UNDERSTAND WHY U HURT TOO,
I LOVE YOU ALWAYS TIMMY,
FOR THE RECORD....
I WILL NEVER HATE U,
I WILL ALWAYS MISS
UR KISSES,
UR I LOVES YOUS,
UR AMAZING TOUCH,
AND US.
I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE IF UR EVER READY TO TRY AGAIN
UR WORTH EVERYHTING IN LIFE...
I APPERCIATE EVERYTHING UVE DONE
UR SOOOO AMAZING, AND U NEVER FORGET IT...
REALLY U CANT CAUSE WERE STILL FRIENDS AND ILL REMIND U
ALLLLL THE TIME. :)
I LOVE YOU SEXY REXY...(still ur nickname)

death in my head..... :O

my thoughts keep swirling around death...
like it would be the simpler choice without going through all this pain....
everynight...feeling like i keeps happening all over again,
i can barley sleep or eat....might as well be dead.
i wanted to hurt myself sooo many times since it happened...
but i cant bring myself all the way to do it...
i dont want that feeling but i keep having the thoughts of it...and these thoughts...
A. keep on living ur life and do great in school and accept it all and maybe u guys will be real close friends...
B. kill urself cause its the easy way and he is ur life and he will always have ur heart and not knowing if he will ever be urs again kills u already....
C. keep ur head up and try ur best to be ok with everything and be really close friends...
for one...u have my heart and ur just my everything...wether u understand that or not u are.
i dont think u ever understood how much i really do love u. two:i kno i can get through this but i want u two be my best friend and i want us to be so close and laugh at our memories....but i keep getting told that willl take along time....and i guess so since i dont kno how too put my feelings and wants away....idk anymore.....ugh.

shit!!!!! =''''( fuck everything!!!!

i have so much going through my head that its driving me crazy!!!
i dont kno wat to think or feel!!!!???
or wat to believe??!!!
how do i push away my feelings for u!?
all i want to do is cry and keep crying!!!
i dont even want to eat...and when i do i feel sick.
why cant this be a dream or why couldnt we have talked bout it before the desicion!!!
i fucking hate relationships now!!!
i told u that if i lost u i wouldnt date anyone else....and i meant it.
i dont want anyone else.
the sad part is...."if" we get another chance now i really will be soooo scared to loose u again!!!
why did u have to do this!! :(
i accept ur desicion....i think. im trying!!!!
of course i always am but it never seems like enough.
i told u i was afraid to loose u because everyone who means everything too me leaves me...
and u did. im sry i let it get between us....i would take it back in a heart beat.
a part of me thinks the space will be good.....maybe this can be the butterfly adage if its ment to be(which i hope it is...ur the first person i actually wanted to marry and start a life with) :(
the butterfly adage: "if u love something,let it go. if it returnsits urs, but if it doesnt it never was"
i guess deep down i never really felt like u would leave me...cause all i can think is how can u do this to me? and i never thought this would happen...
i guess i had too much hope on the inside...and i just didnt wanna show it.
all i want to do is roll up in a blanket with ur shirt on holding ur jacket and froggie and cry my eyes out and be left alone. i love u...i always will. ill always be here when ur ready...if u ever are. when u tell me to move on is when i will try....i guess.