hahaha....idk?

BLAH!!!
u kno that feeling u get?
like when u feel completely happy,
like ur life is just absolutely amazing....
then that one little thought fucks it up?
yea...i hate that.
then, what about that one day
thats just awesome!!!
and when u go back home...
its just competely dies.
i hate that to...
why does it seem that pple arent allowed to be happy?
we ask our selfs that day in and day out.
we take the blame for others, because we think it will help.
we make our selfs not happy.
we keep the thoughts and bothers closer than what makes us happy.
and it seems like everytime things go good, it always seems to come crashing down.
pple put them selfs down more than what goes on around.
it will never be solved...
life is like a never ending puzzle...
u keep getting all the pieces but as soon as u find where a piece goes
the puzzles grows bigger. haha..
^_^

ONE OF MY WORST DREAMS!!! :'(

fuck..ok.
i had a dream.
idk why but me, timmy,and she were all hanging out.
blah...and everything was going pretty good.
but after a while she left and said goodbye to me and timmy.
and of course heather was some wat annoyed by she...
and when went to say i love u heather...the words that came out of his mouth
hurt me to the core.
he said i love u she!!
to fucking heather!!
ugh....its happened once before and im is so fucking scared
it will happen again..
i HATED THAT DREAM..NIGHTMARE...WTF EVER.
i hate that i had it...ugh.
i dont EVER want to have that again..or something similar!!!!

...ugh.

i feel like im missing something that is happening right in front of me.
im scared,im worryed....and i just dont want to loose u..
:(
i feel like were hiding stuff from each other.
i think its just cause im not near u as much...
blah.
my mom is a pain in the ass...
and im always so tired even more now.
stupid fucking nightmares and dog.
i hate almost crying every night!
i wish...

blah..shit fuck...

fuck...
so i have my stupid girlfriendness
and for some reason...jealously?
ugh....stupid girls.
why do u have to be sooo amazing!!! :)
lol blah...i swear im not complaining that ur amazing!!!
grrr...i dont wanna share u though!!! lol
i even told myself, i wouldnt be like this....damn it.
i dont even kno why i feel like this towards her...blah
............FUCK!!!
i dont think its gonna go away either...blah.
writing about it..isnt helping either......
shit...i dont even kno her and i already cant stand her...blah.....
ugh....im sry!!! :(

hehehe....selfish...blah. :P

this may sound selfish...but
i really only want u for myself most of the time lol
i love u....
i cant help but always wannabe with u
and kiss u...which i only got to TWICE today!!! :(
didnt like that result...
and i just love being with u!!!
grrr....im such a hog. lol
i need to see u...
hahaha...when dont i?

duh...dUH...DUH...

..blah.
stupid shity situations!!!
they suck ass!!
i was fucking scared outta my mind and crying..
ugh....i understand ur going through alot but mom its not my fault..
anyways..
school is ok to have back
somethin to do...
i get to see timmy everyday :D
and my friends...
my classes are ok...
i got friends in almost all my classes...
woo.......

.......

why does this feeling keep coming back? :(
i dont like it...
idk wat else to say..
i feel lost without u beside me....
i need u so much....
i love u so much....

i love u....

ok...
I LOVE YOU!!!
ONLY YOU!!
AND EXACTLY THE WAY U ARE!!!
I LOVE HOW U ARE!!!
I LOVE HOW U ACT!!!
I LOVE UR SMILE!!!
I LOVE UR FLAWS!!!
I LOVE UR KISSES!!!
I LOVE THE WAY U HOLD ME!!!
I LOVE THE WAY U LISTEN!!!
I LOVE THE WAY U CARE!!!
I LOVE THAT U TRUST ME!!!
I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH U!!!
I LOVE HOW HOTT U ARE!!!
I LOVE THAT UR ALWAYS THERE FOR ME!!
BUT MOST OF ALL I LOVE THAT U LOVE ME FOR ME....
I LOVE SO MANY THINGS ABOUT U!!!
U WILL NEVER BORE ME AND I WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF U!!!
I LOVE U WITH ALL MY HEART AND FOREVER!!!
:) ;) :P

MY BIGGEST FLAW......is the worst ever!!!!!!!

fuck!!!
ok so my biggest flaw is....
over thinking the smallest thing that bothers me!!!
and in the end its nothing and stupid to let bother me!!!!
its retareded.....
sometimes i wish i didnt have that lovely flaw.../:
man...everytime we do "stuff"
i feel like u think thats all i want
and its not!!!
but see i put one little thought in my head
and just let it keep nagging at me
and i try to forget but no i cant
soo yea...then i start overthinking it
and then eventually....im not ok.
then when i talk about it....it was stupid to let bother me.
idk....ha

..hhmmm

when i saw u i was afraid to meet u,
when i met u i was afraid to kiss u,
when i kissed u i was afraid to love u,
now that i love u, im afraid to loose u.

why the hell am i writing about u?!

u randomly send me a message on facebook sayin
so u and timmy huh?
and im like yea...ha (knowing u already knew we were together)
so i decide lets talk so we went on IM and u start
asking me questions.....and i ask u a question..u said no.
idk..just kinda felt like i was missing something
ugh...i try to be ur friend
i told u something really personal
and so did u....
i told u how is kinda jealous of u
and i asked u a question
and u got kinda snappy with me
and i told u i didnt mean anything by it
then we were ok and all
but u still erck me sometimes
my friend says ur territorial....-_-
i kno ur very protective of him
but ur not the only one!!!! :/
and then i told u how he might not hang out with JUST u
cause of my friends and my stupidness
and u freaked out!!
i apologized like 10 times!
and i told u i didnt mean for that to happen
and that i was trying to fix it....
now ur not even texting me...wtf?
eh....watever!! :P
god.im so fucking pathetic sometimes. lol

Airplanes by.B.O.B ft. haley williams

can we pretent that airplanes
in the midnight sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)

yeah
i could use a dream or a genie or a wish
to go back to a place much simpler than this
cause after all the partyin' and smashin' and crashin'
and all the glitz and the glam and the fashion
and all the pandemonium and all the madness
there comes a time where you fade to the blackness
and when you're staring at the phone in your lap
and you hoping but them people never call you back
but that's just how the story unfolds
you get another hand soon after you fold
and when your plans unravel
and they sayin' what would you wish for
if you had one chance
so airplane airplane sorry i'm late
i'm on my way so don't close that gate
if i don't make that then i'll switch my flight
and i'll be right back at it by the end of the night

can we pretend that airplanes
in the midnight sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)

somebody take me back to the days
before this is was a job,before i got paid
before it ever mattered what i had in my bank
yeah back when i was tryin' to get a tip at a subway
and bacl when i was rappin' for the hell of it
but now a days we were rappin' to stay relevant
i'm guessin that if we can make some wishes outta airplanes
then maybe yo maybe i'll go back to the days
before the politics that we call the rap game
and back when ain't nobody listened to my mix tape
and back before i tried to cover up my slang
but this is for the decatur,what's up bobby ray
so can i get a wish to end the politics
and get back to the music that started this shit
so here i stand and then again i say
i'm hopin' we can make some wishes outta airplanes?

can we pretend that airplanes
in the midnight sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)
can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now) (wish right now)

i could really use a wish right now
i could really use a wish right now (wish right now)
like shooting stars
i can really use a wish right now (a wish right now,a wish,a wish,a wish
right now)

FUCK!!!!!! IM SO STUPID SOMETIMES!!!!!

fucckkkkk!!!!!
fuck pple!!!!!!
fuck everything!!!!!!!!
sometimes i just wish i couldnt talk!!!!!
i keep fucking everything up!!!!!!
with michael...my fault
michael again....my fault
zack incident....my fault
alie incident....my fucking fault again!!!!
i can never say the right thing!!!!
fuck talking!!!!!
im sooooo sry!!!!
bad things keep happening......
:( :'( :( :'( :( :'( :( :'( :( :'( :(

wtf is wrong with me?!

how did i fall back again!!??
almost cutting myself again?!
these feelings shouldnt even be here
these thoughts shouldnt be here
i dont want to go back to that....
burning myself seems to be my new thing....
i dont like it.
i dont want any of this....
i dont want to go down once again
but really i dont want to bring u down with me
what irrates me the most...
is that i fucking promised u i wouldnt
but i did...how can i fucking do that to u...
fuck....

....you

i love you.....
i miss you.....
i need you......
i want you.....
im always urs
forever and always
im not going anywhere
i promise...always
im still scared to loose you
but i swear im not going anywhere
no matter how something may bother me
ill talk to you and get over it.....
i dont want anything to interfear
block anything.....or scare us.
idk.....i just dont want to loose u
moreless anything between us.

.....why does it bother me so much!!!

blah....
i want no secrets between us,
i want to be able to talk about anything,
i want to kno that when ur hurting im the person u go to,
why cant i be ur best friend and girlfriend???!!!
ugh....
i hate talking about this,
i feel like im to pessuring,
i dont want to make u,
im gonna try not to bring it up again,
i love you
i dont want this to make problems,
i dont want this to bother me,
i want to not worry,
i want it to be nothing....